Redbox Review: Ender's Game, plus a look back at Pumping Iron

With Redbox Review it is my hope to answer a simple question, to wit: having decided not to see a particular movie in the theater, is it worth the $1.59 to rent that movie from your local Redbox? 

Adaptation is an art form. Which is why it has its own Oscar. The Harry Potter films, for instance, are masterful adaptations. They are also, nearly to a film, three hours long. Ender's Game, the 2013 adaptation of the 1986 young adult sci-fi novel by Orson Scott Card, clocks in at about 108 minutes, once you factor in opening titles and the credits, and you walk away from it with the impression that you really could have used the extra time. Characters like Alai, Petra, and Bean, essential not only to the novel but to the narrative of the film, are given so few character beats that it is impossible to say why they are invested in the life and story of Ender, played by Hugo's Asa Butterfield.



The reason this is a significant complaint is that the film's plot really requires investment from the audience to be feasible. The broad strokes, for those who haven't read the book or seen the movie, are that after an invasion by an alien race called the Formics (Buggers, in the book), the human race decided (for some reason) that only the flexible mind of a genius child could possible lead their military to victory in the next war. To that end, brilliant and sociopathic children have been trained to be soldiers aboard a low orbiting space station, preparing for the day when they will give the orders to a fleet currently en route to the Formic home-world. But...why? There is a throwaway line at one point about how children's brains are better at "understanding complex situations" than the brains of adults (presumably because their training and experience has taught them to see the world in a particular way). Now, if this is all just a "suffer the little children come to me" moment, that's whatever, but the film really misses the mark on how childhood works in a way that is really annoying. This is a problem I have with Star Trek in its various iterations, as well. Just because it is the future doesn't mean that 8 year olds will be able to master complex mathematics and physics. That's not what kids do. Now, mathematical savants, like musical and chess prodigies, do exist, and so if you wanted to tell me that this situation was a collection of the Earth's greatest savants, well okay. But the film asks you to believe that, AND that these children have preternatural psychological insight which allows them to diagnose weakness in their enemies and capitalize, and that's where I call the foul--that kind of thing requires practice and experience that you just don't have at that age (even if your brother was a bully, which is the film's shorthand solution).

In a situation like that, the audience needs to have characters to anchor on to in order to accept the premise and the film simply doesn't offer each of them enough moments to establish themselves. Instead of letting us linger with these children for awhile and get to know them, we are constantly rushed forward because of the requirements of both plot and film duration. There are some great characters here, and instead we are left with Harrison Ford in his glowering exposition-bot form ranting about how morality is only a consideration in war after you've won. Blah.

The other thing about this film is that it looks terrible. I mean, really bad. It apparently cost 100 million to make, which isn't very much by the standards of a special effects picture, but looking at the screen, I have to imagine most of that money is in a Cayman Island Trust somewhere accruing interest against the day when one or more of the film's producers have to make a run from the law. It wasn't on the screen.

Combining the genuinely unpleasant experience of looking at this film with the problems in plot and character makes for a grim hour and forty minutes.

Verdict: Skip It

Now, yesterday, I also happened to watch Pumping Iron the 1977 documentary about body building that made Arnold Schwarzenegger a celebrity. The film traces the lead up to the 1975 Mr. Universe (amateur) and Mr. Olympia (professional) Championships, and focuses in on the competition between Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno (the same guy who played the Incredible Hulk on TV). This film has a similar kind of fascination to me that events like the Cirque du Soleil, dancing, or gymnastics have: the orientation and examination of the human body. While most people think that body building is about bulging traps or really exceptional delts, it is actually concerned with the aesthetics of the line of the body, proportion, and roundness. At one point Arnold describes himself in the terms of sculpture, but crafted from the force of life instead of from clay or marble. It's quite a picture and worth checking out.